M!A: there’s a ring on your coffee table when you see it next. The ring is very simple, made entirely of jasper. Put it on, rub it, and make a wish! Whatever you wish for will come true. The ring has only one wish per person, and will get lost soon after the wish is made, so if you want to share, give it to someone after taking it off!

You stared at the new item on your transportalizer pad, surprised and unnerved by the package without warming.
When you gathered the courage, you picked it up and read the card attached to it. From? Cronus??
Your lips pursed and guilt settled in your gut. You had no idea he had thought of you during…any time really.

Once you opened the box, the gift is revealed and something ELSE settled into your gut. Paranoia, more guilt at the paranoia, and hunger. You hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast as you were saving dinner for later. Distracted momentarily by the thought of Ham, yam, and jam, you almost dropped the box, yet came to once you felt the box slip.

Still fearful of eating food from others, you took the cupcake to the kitchen to test it, bringing out a fork from the drawer. Then, just as you inspected the cupcake more closely, you realized something else was off about it. You poked the top of it and it sunk.

It was a toy.

You dropped the fork and started laughing, picking the cupcake back up. That’s adorable. You love it.

M!A: It’s another festivus miracle! You’re a human until midnight strikes on New Year’s, just like a bunch of your other friends and crap. Ho ho hope you like being short again!

hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i don’t mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but i gotta warn ya if u take one more diddly darn step right there im going to have to diddly darn snap ur neck and wowza wouldn’t that be a crummy juncture, huh? do yuo want that? do wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? because friend buddy chum friend chum pally pal chum friend if you keep this up well gosh diddly darn i just might have to get not so friendly with u my friendly friend friend pal friend buddy chum pally friend chum buddy… –

tldr; fuck you